Stag Do and Best Man Speech!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Astarael, May 21, 2012.

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    Astarael Vertically Challenged

    So yesterday my best mate got engaged and asked me to be his best man.

    I havn't done this before, and he's the first of my friends to get married, so the stag do and speech will be the ones all further stag do's look back on as a guideline, so they have to be perfection.

    What experiences do you all have with stag nights/trips, and to any previous best men out there how did your speechs go?

    TLDR; post epic stag night lols, speechs that went down well.
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    Katiechops Guild Master

    Been best man twice, first tip, strippers, get the groom involved and get more than one girl too, get them to strip him whip him spank him whatever.... he will love you forever.

    Speeches, bring up the stag night strippers ofc.
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    adagio Moderator

    A couple of hints. Never listen to kcs advice. Never ever ever ever mention another woman at a wedding speech. Or you will find out Wedding cake knives are sharp when handled by an enraged brides.
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    Katiechops Guild Master

    I called a bride a "monster" in a best mans speech,,, they moved to Austrilia after that... I miss them. :(
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    adagio Moderator

    But don't all traditional Scottish weddings end with a punch up?
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    Allstar Just A "Member"

    You're thinking of a scouse wedding
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    Acina Admin Officer

    Scouse / Scottish same difference really :p
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    Fizzee Veteran BOON

    Congrats man! Not got much help, but I saw some great ideas a while back on Reddit.

    My favorite was start by pulling out a little card as say "*grooms name* is the kindest, most generous, handsome and....." Lean over to the groom with the card and point "what's that say I can't read your writing here"


    Found out a couple weeks back my best man is moving to Australia for 2 years :( I'm pretty gutted. Don't do that, it sucks.
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    Katiechops Guild Master

    Oh crap I just realise I've been best man three times! When i get back on TS tonight I will give you my sage like advice.....
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    Xom Veteran BOON

    Stag Do? Wasn't there a post about zombie mall in the UK somewhere on this forums?

    Maybe add optional zombie strippers?
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    Astarael Vertically Challenged

    that was my planned last joke! damn didn't realise it was so commonplace :( im still using it though. at the end im just going to go "anyways, all joking aside, *insert that joke here*
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    Fozia Veteran BOON

    atleast scousers got dignity compared to the rest of england
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    Astarael Vertically Challenged

    yup, that's our nickname amongst the other english cities. "Dignified Scousers"

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    Hsulf Veteran BOON

    I think Asta is probably the only person in England who shares that view!! ;)
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    Gib Community Member

    In common usage "Those scousers dignified the lead roof off the church"

    On topic

    Stag night - Get a fatogram to sit on his face while she wanks him off with her rubbery sausage fingers and make sure you have polaroids to remind him that you are best mates whenever he says "can't come to the pub mate wife isn't in a good mood".

    Speech - Make thinly veiled references to aforementioned polaroids so she gets a bit suspicious and hates you for being a bad influence, then when he goes to the pub with you she gets even more angry.

    Before you know it he's left her and things can settle down and get back to normal.
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    Relinquished Veteran BOON

    Childhood friend got married a couple of months back.
    Me and another childhood friend showed up in the wedding party with rope nooses hanging from our necks.

    My friends choice not to make me his best man was a wise one.
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    Gurtholfin Veteran BOON

    I have a few sensible bits of advice (done best man twice):

    1) Speech: prepare your speech. Look on the internet and get some funnies you can use in your speech.... it breaks the ice if you get people laughing with a joke or two and relaxes you. Although bear in mind.... that if there are lots of weddings on around now people will be hearing repeat gags. But it general it's a good thing, but you don't want to fill up your speech with them entirely.

    Ask friends etc. for some funny stories (and you're bound to have some)... in general most people want to hear some real stuff... so let them have it. It'll generally be the less offensive stuff as you'll probably have a few grannies there too.... judge your audience!

    Finally, most importantly, don't get drunk before the speech! I've seen this a few times and it just gets embarrassing. Have a pint or two sure to relax and loosen the tongue, but getting drunk will only turn your speech to fail. Well... your close friends will enjoy you embarrasing yourself, but you're meant to be doing that to the groom.

    2) Stag: if you do the normal two night stag.... don't load the groom too heavily on booze the first night. While it's funny to see the groom in a bad way, it does put a damper on the second night. Second night... load him with as much booze as you can put in him. If he's throwing up on the way home all the better!
    Also consider what the groom would like and what he'd be likely to do.
    Example: at my stag, at the end of the Saturday night, my mates pushed me into a "massage parlour" (we don't really have these in Ireland) and before I knew it I was in a room with a prostitute. The lads knew they could do this and I ended up having a ten minute chat and an orange juice with Candy or whatever her name was! Told my wife later and while she wasn't happy it did blow over well before the wedding.
    As an opposite example, at a stag my friend was at, they made the stag go up on the stage with a stripper (Barcelona) thinking they'd embarrass him and get a laugh. Five minutes later he was eating her out, 10 minutes bj, 15 minutes sex on the stage with all of the stag attendeees with jawbones hitting the floor.

    So take the groom into account and how well you know (and would like to know into the future) his wife to be.

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    Aspira Admin Officer

    I'm sure that me, Acina , adagio and Saul will be able to fill in for him.

    Pretty sure we would give a much more interesting speech about the life of tweddy than your mate would have done anyway.

    Sent from my HTC Desire using Forum Runner
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    Relinquished Veteran BOON

    >Be at wedding
    >Speach goes like this

    "I remeber that one time in the Dungeons of Baradur! It was me, a cleric, a Paladin and a Groom! The Orcs had surrounded us and as if that wasn't enough a VoTF group of nolifers were on to us! Things looked Grim! Fortunately I had with me my Potion of Dragonic Transformation which turned me into a level 143 Blazing Skin Emerald Dragon and I used my Breath of Ultimate Corrosion to burn the lot of them to the ground! We loled so much at those noobs!

    >ackward silence
    > spaghetti everywhere

    ps. this is the wrong board. godamn it.
  20. Offline

    Katiechops Guild Master

    Well dah!

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